Last week I was texting a bit with Oaklee's birth mother and setting up plans to get together soon with her and her mother. A little bit later I was looking at McCoy's birthmother's blog and reading her updates. And then I just got this overwhelming feeling like my heart would just burst with love for these amazing people. I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly blessed I feel to know them on such a deep level and to just know them in general. I don't just love them for what they have done for me, because their sacrifice wasn't for me. But I love them for the sacrifice they made for our children, for their babies. It is a very rare thing to know someone as deeply as that, I feel incredibly honored. I so look up to both of our children's birth families and think so highly of them and try to draw strength from their examples.
It hurts my heart to hear how those who are ignorant to the world of adoption talk about birth parents or birth families. I hate when I hear people say things like, "I could never do that." or "How could someone do that?". I try so hard to share with others how amazing I think our birth families are, how amazing all birth families are. I try to share as much of the positive things and blessings that have come to our birth families because of their choice and sacrifice. And I hope it has helped, I hope I have made a difference.
I was asked to give a talk on adoption in our ward last fall and my entire talk ended up being about what I learned from C's (McCoy's birth mother) example through her trials, choice and sacrifice. (I can't share anything about Oaklee's birth family).
I wasn't planning on sharing it on my blog because of it's very personal nature for me and for C. But I have felt the promptings to do so now.
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As I read one particular line in the Primary Song "The Family is of God", I found that it had great meaning to me personally, “God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be.” I felt this was true personally in the building of my own eternal family.
Exactly five years ago, my husband and I were led to make a decision that would send us on a journey that has changed our lives in so many ways. We did not know it at the time, but this decision would bring so many opportunities for us to learn, and grow in ways we did not know was even possible. The consequential events that have happened since that decision have brought us more joy and gratitude then we ever thought possible. That decision was to grow our family through adoption.
When we made the decision to adopt, I was not aware of the profound impact that it would have on my spiritual growth and how much it would solidify my testimony. What I have experienced and witnessed in this journey has forever changed my outlook on life and on those around me. I know that this experience was a part of my Heavenly Father’s eternal plan for me to become what He wants me to be.
We have been blessed twice through adoption and each of our children’s adoption stories is immensely precious to me. I am not able to share with you every experience or everything I learned, but I do want to share some things I learned from one particular young lady that is very near and dear to my heart. Her example to me, as well as my knowledge of Heavenly Father’s love for her, has forever changed me.
What I know about "C" doesn’t start with the day she came into our lives, but a few months prior when we were making a huge leap of faith by following the spirit. We felt strongly we were to make a big move that would take us far from our family. After we had officially made the decision to move we went to look for a place to live. That very same weekend C would find out she was pregnant. She would immediately know that the baby she carried was not hers, but belonged in an eternal family with a Mother and a Father. This young lady was McCoy’s Birth Mother.
As I have looked back at the timing, I realized that Heavenly Father was not only answering our countless prayers to become parents, but answering C’s prayers before she even uttered them. What more proof do you need that Heavenly Father knows each of us individually and loves us enough to know what we need even before we need it. This very knowledge allows us to know that we are true children of God.
The next few months for C would consist of a lot of time on her knees praying to find a family for her baby whom she called “Peanut”. I am actually going to share this part of C's story in her own words.
“"...[The time came] to choose parents for “Peanut”… I got online and started looking at couples [hoping to adopt]… Right away the names “B and B” stood out to me…I looked at the other couples and read all their profiles. I wrote down each couples names so I could pray about it in the next few weeks. Day after day I would pray over each individual couple waiting for some prompting or feeling about each one. I was starting to get frustrated because I wasn’t getting any answers. That morning I had read a talk by Richard G. Scott about receiving answers to prayers. He instructed that sometimes the Lord lets us make our own decisions and then he can approve or disapprove. So I got down on my knees and prayed: “Heavenly Father, I would really like B and B to be Peanut’s parents.” I had this amazing peace and comfort come over me which I couldn’t stop the flow of tears. I knew that He had approved of my decision and I was so grateful for that confirmation.” –“C”
Richard G Scott said, “It matters not our circumstance, be we humble or arrogant, poor or rich, free or enslaved, learned or ignorant, loved or forsaken, we can address Him. We need no appointment. Our supplication can be brief or can occupy all the time needed. It can be an extended expression of love and gratitude or an urgent plea for help. He has created numberless cosmos and populated them with worlds, yet you and I can talk with Him personally, and He will ever answer.”
I am sure C was feeling less than worthy to receive an answer to her prayers, yet she humbled herself and asked in faith. Her example of faith in wanting to find the right family for her baby leaves me overwhelmed with knowledge that she loved him enough to do what was best for him. She did that for him! She was not thinking of herself, if she had been, she would not have taken it to prayer and could have easily just chosen anyon. Because she did this for him, we have our beautiful son.
The day after C said this prayer and received her answer, we received the phone call that brought her into our lives. This day we found out that we would finally have an answer to our prayers and we would finally be parents in just five short months. And although at this point I had never met her and I knew nothing about her, I already knew the best part about her: her deep and abiding love for her baby. Our hearts not only grew to love our soon-to-be baby, but his Birth Mother as well.
The night before C was to be induced to deliver her baby boy. I lay in bed thinking about her, worrying about, and wondering what she was feeling. I really could not imagine the pain and heartache that she would be feeling that night as she thought about the next day when she would deliver a baby that would not be hers to keep. I was praying my heart out for her to be comforted and know the love that we have for her and the love that our Heavenly Father has for her. I prayed that she was not alone, that she had the support she needed as she anticipated the events of the following day.
When C was in labor, she asked us to come to the hospital and see her. When we walked into the hospital room we were greeted by C’s mother, who was so excited to see us and opened her arms to embrace us with a hug. I was taken aback by this woman who we only just met, yet I could feel the love she had for us radiating from her. I watched her with her daughter and could tell how deeply she loved C and
McCoy. What I witnessed from this woman in the hospital will forever be a true example to me of unconditional love, and the very true sense of what a mother should be.
McCoy was born just a few hours later, and as I walked into the room to see my son for the first time, I saw him in the arms of his birth mother and she was just beaming with pride for this beautiful baby boy that she had cared for the last nine months. She immediately handed him to me, and to look into the eyes of my beautiful son,
McCoy was a moment I will never forget. I was now a mother, his mother.
The next day was an emotional one. I knew it would be hard, but in actuality I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of all that would take place. My heart literally broke into a million pieces as I watched C cry as she held and kissed and snuggled
McCoy and was preparing to say goodbye to him. She carefully dressed him, and stroked his soft skin when he cried and placed a hand crocheted hat on his head that she had so carefully made just for this day. As I stood by and watched this, I learned in a very powerful way the true meaning of selflessness.
That day I knew that I would always be able to tell
McCoy with a surety that C loves him as much as we do. I can tell him that it broke her heart to have to leave him, but made her so happy to know that he would have a forever family.
We took
McCoy home and as we soaked in every ounce of happiness that our sweet, little
McCoy brought us, our hearts still ached for C. I could hardly think about her or talk about her without getting choked up and tears forming in my eyes. I had witnessed her make a sacrifice for the beautiful baby boy that was laying in my arms. I knew as I held him, she was hurting, yet she was happy that he was where he was supposed to be.
As the months went by, C would share with us her testimony of her experience and surety of her choice for
McCoy and of her plans for the future. Her progress through repentance seemed to shine through every time we saw her. And she seemed to really grasp and understand the purpose and power of the Atonement.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson recently spoke at General Conference, saying, “Without repentance, there is no real progress or improvement in life. Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain. Suffering for sin does not by itself change anything for the better. Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. And, of course, only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ and salvation. Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration.”
Seeing her happy, made us happy! And we would celebrate with her as she reached the goals she had set for herself.
C too would celebrate with us as we reached milestones in
McCoy ’s adoption. She repeatedly would tell us, she couldn’t wait until he was able to be sealed to us.
We were able to finalize
McCoy ’s adoption when he was six months old and we joyfully took him with us into the Temple where he became a part of our eternal family, just as if he had been born to us. We were very blessed to have C and her parents make the very long drive to come to the Temple on that very special day. And C’s parents actually attended our sealing. As we came out of the Temple, C came to me, hugged me so tightly and told me how grateful she was that we both got what we wanted, an eternal family for
McCoy . How precious and beautiful those words were to my heart. How grateful I am to know this beautiful daughter of God.
Her and her families sacrifice along with the sacrifice Oaklee’s birth family, make me a better person and a better mother. They prove that we can do hard things, that we can triumph over our downfalls and our trials. They prove that adoption is truly about hope and love. That we can love others no matter their choices or circumstances or differences.
I testify to you that we are all children of God, that he loves us and is ever mindful of all of us, of our joys and sorrows, our wants, needs and greatest desires, and of our good and poor choices. He is there when we pray, he is waiting, listening and answering our prayers. His hand is ever present in our lives, even if we don’t see it. He wants us to be happy.
